I don’t think most women wake up one day and decide to make themselves smaller.
I think we learn it.
We learn not to be too loud.
Too emotional.
Too opinionated.
Too ambitious.
Too confident.
Too dressed up.
Too expressive.
Too visible.
Too much.
Most of us can’t even remember exactly when it started.
Maybe it was something someone said when you were young.
“You don’t need to draw so much attention to yourself.”
“Tone it down.”
“You’re intimidating.”
“Why are you so dressed up?”
“Don’t make a fuss.”
Maybe it wasn’t said with bad intentions.
Maybe the people who said it were simply repeating what they had been taught.
But messages have a way of sticking.
Especially the ones we hear over and over again.
So, little by little, many women begin editing themselves.
Not because they stop knowing who they are.
Because they become experts at predicting what will make other people comfortable.
They stop speaking up.
They stop wearing the bold color.
They stop trying the new hairstyle.
They stop sharing their opinions.
They stop celebrating their accomplishments.
They stop accepting compliments.
They stop posting the photo.
They stop taking up space.
Not because they want to.
Because it feels safer.
Safer to blend in.
Safer to avoid criticism.
Safer to avoid being misunderstood.
The trouble is, every time we make ourselves a little smaller for someone else’s comfort, we also become a little less recognizable to ourselves.
And after enough years, we begin wondering where our confidence went.
But confidence didn’t disappear.
It was covered up.
Layer by layer.
By expectations.
By criticism.
By comparison.
By trying to fit into someone else’s definition of who we should be.
One of the biggest myths women carry is that confidence means being the loudest person in the room.
I don’t believe that.
Confidence is simply allowing yourself to be fully yourself.
Without constantly apologizing for it.
Sometimes confidence looks like speaking up.
Sometimes it looks like wearing the necklace you love even if no one else notices.
Sometimes it looks like saying yes to an opportunity before you feel completely ready.
Sometimes it looks like letting yourself be seen.
I’ve watched this happen in business, too.
So many women hesitate to create a website.
Record a video.
Learn new technology.
Launch the idea that’s been sitting in a notebook for years.
Not because they aren’t capable.
Because they’re worried about getting it wrong.
About looking inexperienced.
About what people might think.
It’s the same pattern.
Making ourselves smaller to avoid discomfort.
That’s one of the reasons I created Tech Confidence with Karrie.
Not because I believe technology changes lives.
But because confidence does.
And sometimes learning the technology is simply the vehicle that helps a woman realize she was capable all along.
If you’ve been holding yourself back because the tech feels overwhelming, I’d love to help.
You can find practical, beginner-friendly resources at:
Here’s what I hope you’ll remember.
The goal isn’t to become louder.
The goal isn’t to become someone you’re not.
The goal is to stop editing the parts of yourself that were never the problem in the first place.
Because maybe you were never “too much.”
Maybe you were simply surrounded by people who were uncomfortable with a woman who knew her worth.
And those are two very different things.
So this week, here’s a question worth asking yourself:
What part of me have I been shrinking…
just to make someone else more comfortable?
Whatever your answer is, maybe it’s time to let that part of you breathe again.
Because the world doesn’t need a smaller version of you.
It needs the real one. ✨
