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I have a question for you.
And before you answer, there are rules.
You can’t answer with something you want for your children.
Or your spouse.
Or your parents.
Or your business.
Or your team.
Or anyone else you love.
Ready?
Listen instead:
What do you want?
Not need.
Want.
There’s a difference.
You might need new tires.
You might need to schedule the dentist appointment you’ve been avoiding.
You might need to clean out the hall closet.
Thrilling stuff. 😂
But what do you want?
I’ve been thinking about how surprisingly difficult that question can become for women.
Because we’re really good at wanting things for everyone else.
We want our children to be happy.
We want our partners to be healthy.
We want our businesses to succeed.
We want our families to feel supported.
We want everyone to have a wonderful holiday.
We want the people we love to have opportunities, experiences, confidence, security, and joy.
Then somebody turns the question around and asks:
“Okay. But what do YOU want?”
And sometimes there’s a very long silence.
When Did Wanting Become Uncomfortable?
I don’t think we intentionally stop wanting things.
I think it happens gradually.
Life gets busy.
Responsibilities multiply.
Other people’s needs become louder.
And our own wants become quieter.
Eventually, we become so accustomed to being practical that we stop asking ourselves what would actually make us happy.
We ask:
What makes sense?
What’s responsible?
What can we afford?
What does everyone else need?
What should I do?
Those aren’t bad questions.
They’re necessary questions.
But there’s another question that deserves a seat at the table:
What do I want?
Maybe you want to travel somewhere you’ve dreamed about for years.
Maybe you want to start a business.
Maybe you want to learn something completely new.
Maybe you want to write a book.
Maybe you want the concert tickets.
Maybe you want an afternoon completely alone.
Maybe you want the gorgeous necklace.
Maybe you want the ridiculous shoes.
Maybe you want to move.
Maybe you want to stay.
Maybe you want more adventure.
Maybe you want more peace.
Maybe you simply want something you haven’t figured out how to put into words yet.
You’re allowed to want it.
Wanting More Doesn’t Mean You’re Ungrateful
This might be the part we struggle with most.
Because sometimes we look at our lives and think:
“I have so much to be grateful for. I shouldn’t want more.”
But why have we decided those two things can’t exist together?
You can love your life and still have dreams.
You can adore your family and want time alone.
You can be grateful for your career and want something different.
You can appreciate everything you’ve built and still wonder what’s next.
You can be happy today and excited about tomorrow.
Gratitude and desire can sit at the same table.
One doesn’t cancel out the other.
Wanting something new doesn’t mean what you already have isn’t enough.
Sometimes it simply means you’re still alive, curious, growing, and paying attention to yourself.
And that’s a beautiful thing.
You Don’t Have to Justify Everything You Want
Here’s another habit many of us have perfected.
We justify.
We don’t simply say:
“I want that.”
We explain why wanting it is reasonable.
“I’ll use it all the time.”
“It’s actually a really good deal.”
“I’ve been working so hard.”
“I haven’t bought anything for myself in forever.”
“It would be good for the business.”
Sound familiar?
Sometimes you can want something because…
you like it.
That’s it.
No PowerPoint presentation required. 😂
I see this with jewelry all the time.
A woman puts something on and immediately lights up.
You can see it in her face.
Then the practical voice arrives.
“Where would I wear this?”
My answer?
Wherever you darn well want.
Wear it to dinner.
Wear it to work.
Wear it to lunch with your friends.
Wear it to the grocery store if it makes you happy.
You don’t always need a practical reason for choosing something beautiful.
Sometimes the reason is simply:
It makes me feel good.
And that’s enough.
✨ If something sparkly happens to be on your “I want that” list, you can explore The Sparkle Lounge Hub here:
https://thesparklelounge.com/hub/
What If What You Want Is Bigger?
Of course, not everything we want comes in a jewelry box.
Sometimes the thing we’re afraid to admit we want is much bigger.
Maybe you want to build a business.
Maybe you want more financial independence.
Maybe you want to finally understand the technology that’s been intimidating you.
Maybe you want to create something of your own.
Maybe you want more freedom.
Maybe you want to prove—to yourself more than anyone else—that you’re capable of doing something you’ve never done before.
And then that little voice shows up.
“At my age?”
Yes.
At your age.
Especially at your age.
Because you’re not beginning with nothing.
You’re beginning with decades of experience, judgment, resilience, relationships, mistakes, lessons, and wisdom.
Learning something new doesn’t erase everything you’ve already learned.
It builds on it.
And if technology is standing between you and something you want, that’s exactly why I created Tech Confidence with Karrie.
💻 Explore Tech Confidence with Karrie:
Technology shouldn’t be the reason you decide a dream isn’t available to you.
You Don’t Have to Turn Your Want Into a Goal Today
Now, I know what some of you are about to do.
You’re going to identify something you want and immediately create a spreadsheet.
Please don’t. 😂
Not yet.
You don’t need a five-step plan.
You don’t need a deadline.
You don’t need a vision board.
You don’t need to figure out whether it’s practical.
For one moment, I simply want you to tell yourself the truth.
Finish this sentence:
If I were completely honest with myself, I want __________.
And then sit with your answer.
Don’t explain it.
Don’t minimize it.
Don’t immediately talk yourself out of it.
Don’t worry about what anyone else would think.
Just acknowledge it.
Because sometimes the first step toward creating a life that feels like yours isn’t doing something.
It’s remembering what you want.
You have spent years becoming very good at listening to what everyone else needs.
Maybe this chapter includes listening to yourself, too.
You are allowed to be grateful.
You are allowed to be content.
You are allowed to love the life you’ve created.
And you are still allowed to want something more.
Those things can all be true at the same time.
So I’ll ask you one more time:
What do you want?
This time, don’t answer for anyone else.
Answer for you.
