Last week, I asked you a question:
What do you want?
Not what your family needs.
Not what makes the most sense.
Not what you should want.
What do you want?
And maybe you actually came up with an answer.
A trip.
A different career.
A business idea.
More freedom.
A new adventure.
A creative project.
A fabulous pair of earrings you have absolutely nowhere to wear but cannot stop thinking about.
Excellent.
Now I have another question.
How quickly did you talk yourself out of it?
Because we women are remarkably efficient at this.
“I’d love to do that, but…”
And we’re off.
Listen instead:
We Put the “But” in Almost Everything
I want to travel more, but it’s expensive.
I’d love to start a business, but there are already so many people doing that.
I’d love to learn something new, but I’m probably too old.
I’d love to wear that, but I couldn’t pull it off.
I’d love to put myself out there, but what if people judge me?
I’d love to try, but what if I fail?
We can take a perfectly lovely desire and dismantle it in approximately 14 seconds.
It’s almost impressive.
Except…it’s not particularly helpful.
Because sometimes the world hasn’t told us no.
We’ve told ourselves no.
Before we’ve asked.
Before we’ve tried.
Before we’ve learned.
Before we’ve given anyone—or anything—the opportunity to surprise us.
We’ve rejected ourselves first.
When Did We Get So Good at Saying No to Ourselves?
Some of this comes from experience.
By this point in life, we’ve accumulated plenty of evidence that things don’t always work out the way we hope.
We’ve made mistakes.
We’ve taken risks that didn’t pay off.
We’ve trusted people we shouldn’t have.
We’ve spent money on things we regret.
We’ve had plans fall apart spectacularly.
We’ve lived enough life to know that optimism doesn’t guarantee an outcome.
But here’s the interesting part.
Those experiences also gave us something else:
wisdom.
Discernment.
Resilience.
Perspective.
The ability to recover.
Yet somehow, we often use our experience as evidence for why we shouldn’t try instead of evidence that we can handle whatever happens if we do.
That’s worth thinking about.
“At My Age?”
Oh, this one.
I’d love to learn that.
“At my age?”
I’d love to change careers.
“At my age?”
I’d love to start a business.
“At my age?”
I’d love to travel alone, take the class, write the book, start dating, learn the technology, wear the dress, make the video, or finally do the thing I’ve been thinking about for years.
“At my age?”
Yes.
At your age.
Especially at your age.
You’re not showing up to this chapter empty-handed.
You have decades of experience behind you.
You’ve solved problems you once thought were impossible.
You’ve learned things you once didn’t know.
You’ve adapted to technology that didn’t even exist when you started your career.
You’ve reinvented yourself more times than you probably realize.
You aren’t starting from scratch.
You’re starting from experience.
Maybe You’re Not Supposed to Know How Yet
Sometimes we talk ourselves out of what we want because we can’t immediately see the entire path.
I want this…
but I don’t know how.
Okay.
You’re allowed not to know.
Not knowing how to do something isn’t proof that you can’t do it.
It’s simply proof that you haven’t learned it yet.
This comes up constantly with technology.
I’ve heard versions of:
“I’m just not technical.”
“I’m terrible with technology.”
“Everyone else already knows this stuff.”
“I could never figure that out.”
Friend.
There was a time you didn’t know how to send an email.
There was a time you didn’t know how to use a smartphone.
There was a time you didn’t know how to do almost everything you now do without thinking twice.
You learned.
And you can learn again.
Technology shouldn’t be the reason you decide a dream isn’t available to you.
That’s one of the reasons I’m so passionate about Tech Confidence with Karrie. Technology is supposed to be a tool that helps us create more freedom, connection, and opportunity—not another reason to question whether we’re capable.
You don’t need to know everything.
You just need to be willing to learn the next thing.
And Then There’s the Necklace
You see it.
It’s gorgeous.
Maybe it’s a little bolder than what you usually wear.
You put it on.
You look in the mirror.
And then…
“Oh, I could never wear this.”
Excuse me.
You’re currently wearing it. 😂
What we’re often really asking is:
Will people think this is too much?
Will someone notice me?
Does this look like me?
Can I pull this off?
Maybe that’s the wrong question.
Maybe the question is simply:
Do I like how I feel in it?
Sometimes we don’t need permission to wear the necklace.
We need to stop waiting for someone to give us permission.
Let Life Have a Vote
Here’s what I want you to consider.
Maybe it won’t work.
Maybe you won’t get picked.
Maybe someone will tell you no.
Maybe you’ll try something and discover you’re terrible at it.
Maybe you’ll change your mind.
Maybe you’ll finally get the thing you thought you wanted and realize it wasn’t actually for you.
All of that is possible.
But shouldn’t life get a chance to answer before you answer for it?
Read that again.
Shouldn’t life get a chance to answer before you answer for it?
Apply for the opportunity.
Take the class.
Wear the earrings.
Learn the technology.
Make the reservation.
Start the project.
Send the email.
Post the video.
Ask the question.
Let someone else say no if they’re going to say no.
Let circumstances tell you something isn’t possible if that’s truly the case.
But stop doing rejection’s job for it.
Pay Attention to What Comes After “But”
I don’t want you to turn this into another giant personal-development assignment.
You don’t need a new planner.
Please don’t create a spreadsheet.
We are not color-coding our limiting beliefs today. 😂
Just notice something.
Think about the thing you said you wanted.
Then finish this sentence:
I want ____________________, but ____________________.
Now look at that second blank.
Is it a fact?
Or is it a fear?
Is it genuinely impossible?
Or uncomfortable?
Do you actually know the answer?
Or have you already decided what the answer will be?
You don’t have to figure out the entire path today.
You don’t even have to be certain you want to take it.
You just have to stop closing doors before you’ve looked through them.
Because maybe the next chapter of your life doesn’t require you to become fearless.
Maybe it simply requires you to stop automatically telling yourself no.
Let life have a vote.
You might be surprised by what it says.
